Nobody cares about the Olympics

Sunday 11 September 2016 @ 10:55 pm

There are howls of protest at the huge numbers of empty seats in Rio for the Paralympics. Apart from the fact that Brazil got scammed and bullied into hosting this feeble crock of crap, why is anybody surprised at this?

Athletics has never been a huge spectator sport or one that commands an enthusiastic audience. Outside of the shitty Olympics, which is nothing more than a shady shindig to line the pockets of corporate sponsors, hangers-on and the corrupt IOC, you rarely see stadiums full to the brim with cheering supporters.

As for the Paralympics, I’m sick and tired of it being shoved down my throat as some kind of mandatory viewing that demands attention. I have zero interest in any Olympic “event”, some of which are laughably stupid to be even considered sporting (Dressage? Really?), so why would I even bother with the Paralympics?

And before the PC brigade start whipping out their discrimination bells, I’ve got nothing against anyone who wants to take part. Just quit pestering the rest of us to watch this nonsense.

Triple H entrance in Wrestlemania was rubbish

Tuesday 31 March 2015 @ 9:39 am

Having just watched Wrestlemania (and really enjoyed it!), I have to say that Triple H’s Terminator inspired entrance was the stupidest one I’ve ever seen in a wrestling match. And when the competition includes the likes of Stardust and Daniel Bryan (give it up with the Yes already please Bryan), that’s saying something.

The best thing about the entrance was seeing Arnie. Shame it wasn’t he that was wrestling.

Useless England football team

Tuesday 24 June 2014 @ 10:18 pm

Is anyone really surprised that England crashed out of the World Cup without winning a single game? The Premier League has created a bunch of overpaid, under worked lazy ass prima donnas who show neither commitment nor enthusiasm for the game and have about as much skill as an oaf threading a needle. And quite frankly, with all the money sloshing around the Premier League, there is zero incentive to nurture home grown talent. When the likes of Chelsea and Manchester City can buy cups through stuffing the teams with foreign players because there’s nobody good enough in Blighty, it’s no wonder that England has a woefully inadequate squad that would have difficulty finishing a dot-to-dot painting let alone scoring goals.

The lack of skill displayed by the England team was embarrassing and the difference between them and top flight teams is night and day. Having crashed out of the World Cup after successive defeats to Italy and Uruguay, it was left to Costa Rica to finish the job. And finish it they did, with England managing to salvage just a no-score draw after another lacklustre performance

Roll on the 2016 Euro championships when England can be humiliated again by fielding their very best third rate squad full of nobodies, pampered ego’s and scrappy youngsters who would have difficulty dribbling a beer.

Never mind Costa Rica, England can’t even beat Costa Coffee!

Olympics closing ceremony ruined by talentless drivel

Monday 13 August 2012 @ 6:01 pm

After the mediocre Olympics opening ceremony, I had low expectations for the closing bash. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought with a good cast list wholly let down by a bunch of 100% 22 carat duffers.

First up we had shitty boy band One Direction atop a lorry busy lip-synching their way through what can only be described as the type of crap teeny bopper rubbish that prepubescent girls and their elder sisters go crazy over. Why on earth the UK had to embarrass itself by allowing this talentless bunch of tuneless miming muppets airtime in front of a global audience of billions is a complete mystery. It would have been a damn site more entertaining if One Direction had been simply herded into the stadium and promptly run over by the lorry so the world is never again subjected to their warbling drivel.

If that wasn’t enough, up popped Russell Brand like a particularly obnoxious pond scum to murder the Beatles number “I Am The Walrus” whilst dressed as Willy Wonka although as always with the insufferable, odious, repugnant and desperately unfunny Brand, Willy Wanker would have been far more appropriate. If ever there was a troll who needs beating up, dragged into the middle of the North Sea in a mackerel trawler and dumped over the side with a couple of lead weights, it’s this loathsome dickhead.

And then there was the bizarre spectacle of everything being covered in newspaper which looked as stupid as it sounds. I have no clue why anyone would regard this as a good idea but then again, if I did no doubt I’d be running the show and booking garbage acts like One Direction.

As for the rest, well the naked zombies, Morris dancing, skating nuns and an impromptu catwalk show featuring the very ordinary Kate Moss and temper tantrum diva Naomi Campbell didn’t in any way elevate the spectacle any higher than “meh!”.

Was there anything actually good about it? Well the Del Boy and Rodney tribute was great if fleeting and a lot of the classic acts were enjoyable, even the Spice Girls. Best of all, a magnificent fireworks display and the hand over to Brazil, who showcased a wonderful Rio inspired carnival, signalled the end of the Olympics nonsense and the next poor country to go bankrupt splashing out for the whole corrupt shindig.

Wallets out now though people, it’s time to pay for this sporting scam that further enriched the business sponsors, IOC and their assorted hangers on whilst burdening the taxpayer with billions.

Mediocre London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony was rubbish

Saturday 28 July 2012 @ 8:33 am

Seems like I’m one of the very few who found the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony to be utter crap and about as entertaining as watching the freezer defrost. Switch on the TV and all you’ll hear are gushing media channels fawning over how great and amazing and wonderful the opening ceremony was, a spectacular success and a real triumph. Cue live interviews with braindead sheeple who are too stupid to realise they’re being taken for mugs by the business sponsors behind the whole corrupt circus that exists purely to make money from gullible idiots.

It’s the same with the printed press. Previously sceptical papers that couldn’t criticise the games hard enough as a monumental waste of money are now lavishing the plaudits on director Danny Boyle for putting on the Best Show Ever. Now I’ve nothing against Danny Boyle, he comes across as a very nice chap on TV but his films suck. Trainspotting was crap, a film about druggies interspersed with contemporary pop-culture references to make it cool, Slumdog Millionaire an overrated piece of melodramatic slush that has the same feel good factor you get with a kick to the groin and the less said about 127 Hours, the better. I’ll give him 28 Days Later though, that was a good movie.

Back to the feeble opening ceremony, there were precisely four, and only four, redeeming pieces; the opening sequence with James Bond and the Queen although it would have been a lot more entertaining if it really was Liz and the parachute failed to open; Mr Bean’s comedy skit; the soundtrack that showcased the best of British music talent despite the presence of the Sugababes; and finally Becks roaring up the Thames in a speedboat with the Olympic flame.

The rest of it was mostly mediocre multicultural claptrap; a mish-mash of potted history through the industrial revolution taking in Brunel that will have been lost on anyone who’s attended Britain’s finest dumbed-down educational establishments during the last 15 years; a homage to our very own NHS that not so much came across as a blatant piece of lefty propaganda as it did advertise to the world that the UK health service is free to all and everyone’s welcome; some rubbish new-age style arty dance crap that was accompanied by a singer nobody’s ever heard of warbling a funeral dirge; gangs of irritating teenage hoodies advertising the latest mobile phones and using social media to tell a pointless love story; and lets not forget the hordes of children that seemed to be peddled at every possible opportunity to perhaps invite sympathy or more accurately, ensure that the whole Olympics charade plays the cynical “games legacy for our kids” card full tilt.

The Sir Tim Berners-Lee tribute was a nice touch but even he must have felt a bit of berk sitting out there tapping on a keyboard in front of a global audience of billions. As for the flying Mary Poppins, cavorting imbeciles around the Maypole, embarrassingly twee costumes, Lord Voldemort wannabe, that stupid baby face sculpture thing made of what looked like string and the live farm, it was not so much a spectacle as it was a fine display of half-assed British eccentricity and drivel. Or to put it another way, there were more sheep in the audience than there were in that damn farm.

To cap things all off, that old geriatric duffer McCartney was wheeled out to sing off key and murder what little atmosphere remained in the stadium from a pliant crowd that would have been satisfied with a third rate Punch and Judy show. Why they have to get this old fool out at every opportunity singing the same tired old rubbish is a mystery although I suppose we should be grateful they didn’t go with the infinitely worse Rolling Stones.

Most atrocious of all though, was surely the daft decision to announce everything in French before English. WTF? Did Napoleon conquer Britain? Has this green and pleasant land been overrun by a bunch of self serving cheese-eating surrender-monkey toads? It was an absolute disgrace and further proof if any is needed that the IOC is nothing more than a jumped up bureaucratic jolly for its members to swan around the world staying in the best hotels, dining on the finest food at the expense of the mug host country that’s been stupid enough to bid for the games and bow to their every whim.

So in short then, hats off to Danny Boyle for organising what was largely a damp squid, the guy will definitely be knighted in the honours list and deserves to be for agreeing to stage this ridiculous waste-of-time extravaganza.

And to anyone who thinks I’m a miserable old goat and that London 2012 staged the “Best Opening Ceremony Ever”, well all I can say is firstly, you’re easily pleased and would probably be entertained by the opening of a supermarket; and secondly, next time that hospital or school in your neighbourhood closes, or pensions are cut yet again, or our troops are sent abroad ill-equipped to fight a phoney foreign war or your local sleazy expense-fiddling MP bleats about there not being any money left in the kitty to pay for vital infrastructure projects, just remember how much this whole rotten Olympics jamboree cost the taxpayer.

Cameron orders Ministers to take public transport for Olympics jollies

Friday 20 July 2012 @ 12:36 pm

David Cameron, erstwhile EU loving PM and professional turncoat Tory, has ordered Ministers to take the Tube when travelling to the Olympics instead of using their chauffeur driven tax-payer funded limos via the Soviet Zil lanes.

This has been met with the predictable wailing and bleating of Ministers furious of having to use the Underground with the peasants they so loathe that pay their wages. Senior Tories have whined about representing the Government on “official business” (i.e. schmoozing and brown nosing businesses to fund the next Tory electoral campaign) and declared they’d rather stay at home than share a seat on the Jubilee line with the hoi polloi despite having the best tickets in town generously bought by the Government using taxpayer money.

As Cameron and Boy George constantly remind us, we’re all in this together, especially if you’re an MP gorging from the pig trough at Westminster.

Welcome to the laughing stock UK Olympics

Saturday 14 July 2012 @ 8:58 pm

Welcome to the 2012 Olympics being held here in the UK. Our level of incompetence in holding such an overblown, overrated, waste-of-money event is matched only by the level of utter contempt and wholesale unenthusiasm that Brits hold for having the wretched games foisted upon us by a thieving money grabbing elite riddled with cronyism. An extra special mention to our expense fiddling scamming politicians who grossly underestimated the bid meaning the final bill has ballooned from the original £4 billion to £11 billion.

Nevertheless, we look forward to athletes from across the globe taking part in one of the most corrupt, money making and pointless spectacles in the world where sporting prowess plays third and fourth fiddle to the more important business of ripping people off and making money for official sponsors. And we especially welcome our IOC (International Olympics Committee) Mollusc Olympian Overlords for the sheer contempt and disgust they hold for ordinary folk daring to question the serious business of making the IOC members rich.

When you land at third world Heathrow Airport, our warm welcome extends to keeping you waiting for a minimum of two hours to pass through border security. This is on account of our stupid, expense fiddling politicians having cut UK Border Agency staff to the bone. However, should you wish to be whisked through with any delay, please claim asylum where you will be eagerly directed to the nearest benefits centre and a bump to the top of the housing list. In the meantime, please take full advantage of our decrepit National Health Service, it is here for the whole world to use for free.

Once you leave the airport, a plethora of buses and trains are waiting to rip you off with sky high prices and a mediocre service that seldom adheres to a timetable. Should you wish to use a car, the authorities have helpfully blocked off large parts of London to create gridlock and herd the peasants into single lane roads. Hence, there are plenty of route closures, new no right/left turns, suspended pedestrian crossings, traffic flow direction on one way roads reversed, contraflows and altered traffic light phasing to stop traffic getting anywhere near Olympic routes.

A network of CCTV covers the worlds most spied upon country and special Zil lanes have been created for Olympics VIP’s to whisk self-important sponsors, business backscratchers, MP’s, lickspittles and cronies to and from the venue in chauffeur driven BMW’s. Do not be surprised if the traffic lights remain red for eternity to create gridlock whilst miraculously turning green for the Zil lanes, this has been expressly designed to ensure you don’t go anywhere so that corrupt IOC members who are in a hurry to get back to their 5-star taxpayer funded hotel suites to dine on caviar and champagne do not get held up. However, please do feel free to try and use the Zil lanes, there’s a £130 fine that will be shoved directly into the pocket of some grinning idiot in LOCOG (London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games) but the rest of London will cheer you to the echo for sticking two fingers up at the robbing Gestapo bastards.

Upon arrival at the official stadium, a stream of bureaucratic overbearing Olympics nonsense is ready and waiting to wash over you like a visit from the Soviet Politburo. It’s already been declared that chips can’t be sold by anyone apart from official sponsor McDonalds and that you can’t take your own bottled water or food inside the Olympic stadium. However, picnic hampers are available from the official picnic hamper supplier camped outside who will be glad to offer a range of measly sandwich options excitingly priced from 40 quid upwards.

Security for this pointless grubby event is supplied courtesy of G4S, a bunch of incompetent, incapable, inadequate brainless monkeys led by leering clueless inbred chief executive Nick Buckles who is on a £1.4 million annual package. Several MP’s, including hapless Home Secretary Theresa May, have a vested financial interest in G4S which is why the company has been awarded the contract. Rest assured, G4S has promised to not recruit enough suitable candidates or bother vetting potential applicants so you can expect a bunch of grunting ignorant chav yobs manning the gates accompanied by an assortment of eager suicide bombers and terrorists who not so much as slipped through the net as they did walk through the open door of G4S’ laughably inept non-existant security checks. Semi-coherent English language skills will be a minor bonus although should not be assumed by any means.

Once the Olympics is over, and 2 weeks can’t arrive soon enough, we expect a significant proportion of visitors, athletes and spectators alike, to remain in Britain outstaying their visa, especially from the grasping African countries and Indian sub-continent. Once again, playing the asylum card will work wonders but you can also just disappear into the economy since the Border Agency won’t bother to try and track you down for deportation. Everyone’s welcome in benefits Britain so come on in, the water’s lovely.

Meanwhile, the locals will be left to pick up the bill for the entire shitty event whilst the bent Olympics committee begins the whole sorry affair again by trying to hoodwink another gormless country into staging a spectacle that should have been paid for and staged by the bloody Greeks.

We hope you enjoy your stay in the UK, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Magnificent London fireworks do us proud

Sunday 1 January 2012 @ 11:36 am

Well the New Year fireworks on the banks of the Thames were magnificent and so much better than previous offerings. Much of this was down to showcasing the useless Olympics that are to be held in 2012 with the express remit of bleeding the country’s already severely limited cash reserves bone dry. It’s a pretty grim state of affairs when the only reason to put on a great fireworks display is to herald the arrival of a corrupt, over-inflated, grossly expensive sporting event that nobody cares about or wants to watch.

Nevertheless, the London fireworks display was an excellent example of the UK putting on a real show. Hours earlier, I watched the pathetic attempt by Dubai to usher in the New Year and it was utter rubbish. A crowd of bewildered Indian immigrants and Bedouin twerps looking at the Burj Khalifa as a collection of cheap fireworks feebly exploded from the side with not so much as a whimper. Lord knows if there was supposed to be a theme or if they actually bothered to time the display with the music, it just seemed to be a random jumble of colours and lights put together by the village idiot living in Jumeirah (and there’s plenty to choose from).

In contrast, the London New Years fireworks had drama, awe, spectacle, excitement and plenty of thrills. In short, everything that the rubbish Olympics doesn’t.

Olympics ticketing turns into a farce

Friday 10 June 2011 @ 3:58 pm

Only in the UK would something as simple as selling tickets to a sporting event turn out to be the kind of farcical mindless bureaucratic mess that has made Britain a laughing stock the world over.

With the wretched Olympics just 12 months away, tickets for this waste-of-time-space-and-money spectacle went on sale to the UK taxpayer some months ago. Only they didn’t. Any gullible fools interested had to register their preferences for the events in advance and then submit their application (why on earth does the Olympics need an "application" process to buy tickets?) along with credit card details. Once the closing date had been reached, monies were taken "in advance", the application process was closed and the impartial ticketing process could begin in earnest.

In the first round, all the applications were tipped into a cement mixer, 50% were chucked away and the rest were fed to a group of free range hens. Whenever an egg was laid on the first Tuesday of every second week, it was measured, colour coded and cross referenced against an aggregated weight-adjusted sliding scale for the distribution of roof tiles.

Each egg was then cracked into a bowl along with a pinch of salt and pepper to offset the daily price of wheat commodities. Once in the pan, if it took approximately 1 minute 38 seconds to cook a perfect omelette, the taxpayer was given their full allocation of tickets. Any more and the allocation of tickets progressively decreased with each 5 second interval unless butter was added in which case the interval was stepped every 2 seconds after the 3rd minute.

All fair and transparent in every way, I’m sure everyone would agree.

However, thousands of people haven’t been allocated any of the tickets they applied for whilst all the popular events seem to have been ring fenced for corporate hospitality and Olympics cronies. And if you were (un)lucky enough to get fleeced for tickets, you’re unable to sell them for more than the face value.

Why? They’re my bloody tickets and I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with them. In the meantime however, the rest of the world can mock our incompetence and form an orderly queue at their local travel agent where plenty of Olympics tickets for the top events are freely available on a first come first served basis, exactly how they should have been in Rip-Off Britain.

Corrupt Khalifa’s to lose millions as Bahrain Grand Prix axed

Thursday 9 June 2011 @ 3:48 pm

After months of arrest, torture, rape and pillaging, all sanctioned and happily approved by the corrupt and arrogant Al Khalifa bums and carried out with glee by the invading Saudi army, the Bahrain Grand Prix has finally been axed for 2011.

Pathetically, Crown Prince Salman bin son-of-a-bitch Khalifa desperately tried to salvage the event by declaring martial law was over and that Bahrain was back in business, a blatant lie that had all the integrity and honesty of a weasel cheating at backgammon. The lifting of martial law merely served as an excuse for the ignorant illiterate hooded Saudi Bedouin bastards to change from their blood spattered army fatigues into police uniforms and carry on the brutality and torture.

Money grasping wizened old dwarf Bernie Ecclestone first announced the Grand Prix would be shifted to October and that FIA had toured Bahrain to ensure no human rights were being abused. What he didn’t mention was that the FIA representative sent to Bahrain could speak neither English nor Arabic and was accompanied everywhere by a government appointed crony to ensure official inspections were sanctioned and didn’t involve suddenly walking into a room full of protestors who’d been stripped naked and beaten with whips.

It was left to Max Mosley to denounce the reinstatement along with a chorus of protests from the drivers and teams. Even if the teams had agreed, I can’t see the likes of Mark Webber or Lewis Hamilton being content to race in a country where people are being routinely tortured on a daily basis.

Staging the Bahrain Grand Prix was always about the money for both Ecclestone and Salman, the latter in particular regarding it as his pet project to further enrich himself in between the day-to-day robbery of ordinary Bahrainis. Hence, the cancellation is good news for virtually everyone; there is heightened awareness of the protestor’s plight on the world stage, Grand Prix fans are relieved of attending one of the more boring tracks in the season and the corrupt Al Khalifa cock suckers stand to lose millions.

And as for all those local industries that rely on income from the fans, virtually none are owned by native Shia Bahraini’s so if they go bust, that’s fine by me, any Indian, Jordanian or Lebanese businessmen who feel hard done by can fuck off back to their own country.

Here’s hoping the Bahrain Grand Prix stays off the calendar permanently, there is no place for a sporting event anywhere in the Arab world whilst these corrupt, brutal and arrogant so-rulers are in power.