The ridiculous popularity of YouTube gamers

Friday 23 December 2016 @ 10:45 pm

Here’s something I really don’t get; the ridiculous popularity of YouTubers with millions of subscribers who will happily sit for hours watching them play a video game that they likely already own. Back in the 80’s, the very worst part of video gaming, apart from having to wait for the tape deck to load the game, was having to sit and watch someone else play and not getting a turn.

The whole social media thing is a complete crock of crap. I don’t do FarceBook, Twatter, InstaCack, SnapShite or any other number of pointless social media platforms simply because I can’t imagine anyone would be the least bit interested in me and I’m certainly not interested in other peoples mindless ramblings (DISCLAIMER: I realise the irony of posting this on a blog).

Why on earth do these self-important cretins think that anyone would actually be absorbed by what they had for lunch or what they’re wearing or who they saw? Almost every post seems to comprise not-so-subtle product placements, stupid pictures of everyday mundane objects or airbrushed photos of people pretending they have a wonderful life filled with copious amounts of hot sex. And it’s not just people either, companies are increasingly using Twitter for customer service which means more and more people think they should kick up a fuss and tell the World + Dog about it just to get satisfaction. Net result? Everyone wants to be a zelebrity with their 15 minutes of fame and shortcut to easy riches.

Those famous celebrities, who are famous for nothing except being a celebrity, or releasing an “accidental” sex tap, are to blame. Social Media is now filled with nobody’s who want to be a pointless somebody, namely the latest footballer flashing their gold plated Lambo complete with hookers in the passenger seat or the identikit Instagram models who seem to do nothing all day except swan around the world at the behest of rich horny geriatrics. Is this really what we want our children to aspire to?

Oh for the days when life was much simpler, we didn’t have all of this social media BS and gaming meant a shelf full of £9.99 tapes, a cassette deck and actually enjoying playing video games with your mates.

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Rip-off scamming Camelot bump up the ticket price and slash the odds

Friday 7 October 2016 @ 10:09 pm

Lottery operator and certified rip-off scam artists Camelot announced a few months back that the price of lottery tickets would increase whilst the odds of winning the jackpot will be helpfully slashed to a 1 in 140 million gazillion chance.

By forcing punters to choose an extra number, SCamelot claim there will be bigger jackpots with higher starting figures conveniently ignoring the fact that virtually everyone wants smaller jackpots with lower starting figures and an increased chance of winning. Who the fuck really needs £14mil anyway? For most, even a cool mil will be enough.

Let’s not forget that greedy bastards SCamelot are owned by the Ontario Teachers’ Pension Plan who have wasted no time in milking it for every last penny through dubious fiddles and fannying about so that the chances of winning anything have been gradually reduced over the year whilst the cost of buying a ticket has risen. No wonder ticket sales have dropped off a cliff, punters are just not interested anymore.

The whole thing needs to be run on a strictly non-profit basis and SCamelots lottery balls need to be kicked hard.


Why you should never give to charity

Monday 30 November 2015 @ 10:50 pm

It’s simple. Almost all charities, including not-for-profit ones, are run as a business. That means rich CEO’s earning telephone number salaries and sitting on a huge cash pile whilst your donations are frittered away on admin shit like junk mail, paperwork, bills, offices, rent and Lord knows what else. Even those charities that insist 90% of a donation goes straight to the needy are pointless. All you’re doing is paying the 10% to run the business side of the charity. And if by some miracle your donation does actually reach the intended recipient, you can bet your ass it’ll be wasted on some pointless token gesture or squirreled away by corrupt shysters.

Take Africa for example. Over thirty years ago, we were all being bullied into donating money to “feed the world”. Fast forward thirty years and we’re still being pestered for cash. I say fuck ’em, if they can’t manage responsibly after all that cash then it’s their problem not ours. Absolutely zero sympathy here. Try getting rid of all those dodgy African dictators instead of shovelling more cash down the toilet bowl.

Then there’s Children In Need, the annual snore fest where interfering “Celebriteez” do stupid crap in a futile attempt to make us part with our own hard earned cash. As of October 2014, they’re sitting on a cash pile of some £90 million. Go figure.

And let’s not even talk about Kids Company, a so-called charity that was led by a clueless fruit cake woman permanently dressed as a fruit salad that used to hand out hard cash in envelopes no-questions-asked before collapsing under the weight of its own corruption and financial mismanagement.

Truth is that we are all sick of being begged for cash. Whether it’s chuggers in the street, the piles of junk mail with a free pen and bin bag, novelty “charidee”” songs or those silly TV ad’s which try to play the emotional blackmail card, just save your own money and spend it on something worthwhile. Namely you. After all, charity begins at home, no?


Queen celebrates being longest serving freeloader

Thursday 24 September 2015 @ 8:41 pm

God I hate the Royals. Set of useless, grasping, pointless, stuck-up, in-bred, money grabbing, dumb ass freeloaders the lot of ’em. Apart from the fact that they’re not even British, the House of Windsor is about as necessary as flip flops in the Arctic.

Still, that hasn’t stopped hordes of deluded peasants and Royalists, including wannabe London Mayor and Labour halfwit Sadiq Khan, queuing up to bow and scrape and fawn over someone who couldn’t care less if they all dropped dead as long as she keeps her wizened claws on the throne instead of being turfed out onto the streets to get a proper job which is infinitely more preferable than endless sponging off the tax payer.


Pathetic UK border welcomes all scum migrants

Saturday 1 August 2015 @ 10:21 pm

Roll up, roll up, you bunch of useless fucking grasping scum asylum seekers desperate to reach El Dorado, or the UK as it’s known to Brits, and the laughing stock of the World to everyone else.

Everyone is welcome, just assemble like cockroaches at the Calais Departure lounge where the lazy bastard French police will wave you through the Eurotunnel. Don’t forget to bring all your immigrant mates, three wives, twenty kids, Grandma I-Wan-House and Grandpappy Gimme-Benefit plus all assorted hangers-on and extended family.

As soon as you reach El Dorado, Plod will be be happy to pick you up and drive you to the nearest comfy hotel where good food, clean bedding and new clothes awaits you, courtesy of the mug grateful UK taxpayer.

All that remains then is for you to collect your benefit money to spend on cigs and take a few selfies with your fucking iPhone to post on your fucking Facebook. Don’t forget to smile and look smug and ensure that you tell everyone how wonderful the UK is and how you will never, ever, ever, EVER go back to whatever fucking rock you crawled under from.

The UK Government’s response? Sure, why not, the more the merrier. Hell, let’s welcome them with open arms and take out front page ads in the Asylum Seeker Times that free houses, benefits and health care are all available to all and sundry, no questions asked, no visa required and fuck any passport or border control.


Zayn Malik leaves One Direction and heads in the other direction

Wednesday 25 March 2015 @ 6:12 pm

Zayn Malik, he of One Direction fame (no, me neither), has decided to leave the group. In other news, nobody cares.

Never mind though, there will be another band of talentless miming muppets along shortly to appease the hordes of teeny bopper school girls thus ensuring the world doesn’t drown under a sea of blubbery prepubescent tears.


MobileBitz – experts in selling overpriced crap

Saturday 17 May 2014 @ 10:41 pm

If you’ve visited any of the main shopping malls across the UK, chances are that you’ve come across a shitty little kiosk selling mobile tat staffed by grunting imbeciles who barely speak English. Welcome to MobileBitz.

These purveyors of cheap, overpriced crap are experts in selling you poor quality cases, screen protectors, guards and all other manner of Chinese rejects and knockoffs for your beloved mobile. I don’t have a problem with that at all. If you want to pay £10 for a faux PU leather case that fits an iPhone as snugly as an iron maiden and costs about 50p to make in a Chinese sweatshop then go for it.

However, be advised that these cowboys are only interested in taking your money.

Want a refund? Feck you.

Shoddy quality so case no fit properly? Feck you.

Sold the wrong accessory because the imbecile barely speaks English? Feck you again.

What about my consumer rights? Hahaha, me feck you big time.

In short, they have a policy of no refunds and exchanges only allowed within 2 weeks of purchase if it falls within a full moon period. Which is handy if you are visiting another part of the country.

So if you are looking for quality mobile accessories do yourself a favour and avoid MobileBitz like the plague infested pit it is. You owe it yourself and that 500 quid mobile in your pocket for something far better.