Mini Movie Review: Avengers: Endgame

After the events of Avengers Infinity War what’s left of the Avengers group together to avenge their losses and try to put things right. That’s all I’m gonna say about the film.

Huge MCU fan here and my single word summary is that Endgame was …… disappointing.

My expanded single word summary comprising a single word + several more mainly beginning with “over” is that I found Endgame disappointing, overhyped, overblown, overrated, nowhere near as good as Infinity Wars, underwhelming and really didn’t meet the expectation. I wanted to be entertained and came away feeling that overall, Endgame was a letdown. It never reaches the height of Infinity Wars in story or action. Even the conclusion of some Avengers characters didn’t make any sense.

Why?

Here are some random thoughts after having watched it several times (mainly because I couldn’t believe it was so bad and keep thinking it can’t be that bad):

1. The first hour is the gloomiest and dullest part of any MCU film and I almost nodded off. When I watch an MCU flick, I wanna be entertained not bored with character back stories moping about the previous instalment. I already *know* what happened, everyone is devastated, large loss of life, yadda, yadda, yadda, get on with it. This is Avengers Assembled not Avengers Anonymous.

2. In the end, everyone gets their few minutes of screen time but it just feels forced and I don’t really care about secondary characters and even some of the primary ones. Just seeing Spidey again with those silly extra limbs makes me remember how rubbish they looked the first time round in Infinity Wars. Really no need to show us each and every one of the squad and give them a few token lines just so the audience can say “Look! It’s < insert random MCU character here >.”

3. There is a point in the movie when I actually groaned. Step forward the undisputed winner of the FFS Award, yes, it’s Pepper Potts in an Iron Man suit trying to look tough. Whatever the hell Pott’s is supposed to be doing in a battle with Thanos is anyone’s guess. She’s become increasingly more annoying in each subsequent MCU flick and has no place in a schoolyard fight, let alone fighting Thanos army. And wearing an Iron Man suit? With that expression? By far and away the worst and silliest bit of the whole movie when I seriously started thinking that the Russo’s were deliberately jumping the shark.

4. Runner up of the FFS award is the #MeToo PC shite at the end when Danvers is surrounded and protected by her coven of witches. They might as well have just replaced it with a Tampax ad complete with girl roller skating across the battlefield in Daisy Dukes to the tune of “It’s my life”. Gimme a break man, we get it. Women are Good. All men are Bad. Femalez RuL3.

5. Some of the dialogue was ropier than a trapeze artists suitcase. Cap saying right at the beginning “Let’s go get this sonofabitch” and “It has to work because I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t”. And Stark at the end saying “I am Iron Man” just in case we forget. Not expecting a Shakespearean performance but it has little of the wit of previous MCU films.

6. The plot was too well signposted so it was obvious from the ending of Ant Man that the Quantum Realm and time travel would be used. Clever how they tied it though and always good to see Ant Man. The best part of the whole movie was when they went back to New York for the first Avengers battle. Reminds me just how great the first one was and how poor Endgame stacks up against it.

7. Biggest cheer of the movie and most fabulous moment? Cap wielding Thor’s hammer which *was* a surprise and totally awesome even though there were hints of this in Age of Ultron (which I’d almost forgotten). Go Cap! I also liked that Thor had become a fat slob with a and the melted ice cream quip was funny. The Lebowski reference was genius. However ……

8. What the feck has happened to the Hulk? We want unpredictable rage and smashing not the Jolly Green fuckin’ Giant. Cap, Stark, Thor and Hulk *are* the Avengers so to neuter the rage of the strongest one (two if you count an alcoholic Thor) was just stupid. This was one of the biggest disappointments as Hulk is a favourite character and we never really got to see him go beserk in Infinity Wars. When people go see a movie with a Hulk in, they want to see him smash. This was a total balls up.

9. The end battle is really unsatisfying with too much crazy bullshit going on. It’s not a patch on the focused and choreographed fight that happens in Civil War or even other Avenger movies and I couldn’t help thinking that with all the flames and scorched earth, might as well invite Sauron with a gang of trolls and orcs from Middle Earth. And what’s with the imprompt game of Pass the Parcel with the Gauntlet?

10. There were loads of plot holes, or at least stuff that I simply didn’t get or was glossed over:

– How does Stark get the stones at the end by just pulling on a glove or using his own gauntlet? When did he build said gauntlet or is it the same one Hulk wears? What black magic has he used to magically pull the stones into his own gauntlet? And from Thanos of all people, the biggest bad ass in the universe.

– How come Stark cracks time travel in a few hours when Pym couldn’t manage it in several years and he was the SME of the Quantum Realm?

– How come Stark knows where the Tesseract and Pym will be in the past to the precise day and place? He’s not Sheldon FFS.

– Why doesn’t Danvers hang around and do more instead of flying off to another planet every two seconds? This is Convenient Plot Hole No. 1 because she could have easily wrapped the whole thing up by preventing him from snapping his meaty fingers in the first place.

– How do the wizards know where the battle is at the end when they make everyone appear?

– How come Barton and Black Widow know how to fly a spaceship with no training or instruction manual? Sure, it’s on autopilot but are we supposed to expect it’s got two buttons, for for “Fly” and the other for “Stop”?

– How does Danvers know exactly where to find Stark and Nebula in the inky infinity of deep space?

– How come it takes the combined strength of Danvers, Hulk, War Machine and Thor to subdue a severely weakened Thanos without any stones yet Iron Man can just grab ’em off him later when Thanos actually does have the fully loaded gauntlet and is at full power? It’s BS man! Thanos managed to pulverise an enraged Hulk and we’re supposed to believe that Stark can just grab the stones with his Iron Man suit?

– Hulk has already worn the gauntlet and survived the fingersnap, why doesn’t he get the gauntlet and do the kung fu so nobody has to die? Even Danvers could have gotten it. Sure, Strange says there is only 1 in a gazillion chance to defeat Thanos but I simply don’t buy that this one and only chance was Stark nicking the stones off an enraged and fully tooled up Thanos.

– When Banner asks the Ancient One where Strange is, she says he’s about 5 years too early. In other words, if she can see into the future, and already has, why didn’t she see the Thanos event?

– How come Nebula forgot to change her brain WiFi password after five years? She’s sharing the same conciousness as the other Nebula but if Harry Potter can manage to stop Voldemort getting in, how come she doesn’t.

 

11. Passing the baton on to the next generation of Avengers was uninspiring and nothing to look forward to. A Valkyrie queen for Asgard? A black Captain America with no super powers? Utter PC crap and I can’t wait to see them both get their asses kicked.

12. The movie gets going once they decide on the time travel plan and that’s where it gets interesting but again, it’s not really explained why having all the stones and putting them into a gauntlet makes you end up having something like a magic genie that grants wishes. Why a gauntlet? What happens if you put the stones in your shoe and tap dance instead?

13. The money shot at the end for Starks funeral when the camera pans across everyone just so we can count ’em was totally unnecessary. Critics and reviews have been falling over themselves to boast about how much they blubbed. Why? I thought the ending with Cap was more sweetly sentimental when he decides to actually live in the past with Peggy rather than come back to the future. I blame the snowflake generation Millennials who want any excuse to burst into tears. Look at me, I’m sad and emotional, look at me, LOOK AT ME!!!

14. I liked that Cap was still in charge and led the team. The “Avengers Assemble” battle cry was a good, albeit brief, point in the movie before it all went batshit crazy.

15. How come so few of the squad dies? I counted Black Widow, Stark and er … that’s it. The combined might of Thanos and his crew against all of the Avengers and none of them die in battle apart from Stark? This is an Angry Thanos we’re talking about not the Guildford Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Core.

16. You don’t really get to see the Avengers using their super powers much. The bit when Barton goes beserk in Japan was cool and the Cap vs. Cap fight was very cool but that was about it.

17. I liked it when Tony loses his temper early on arguing with Cap about his ring of defence to protect the Earth. Shades of Civil War there which for me is still *the* best MCU movie. More of this dialogue needed with friction between the team, and less about irrelevant stuff like “feelings”.

18. The whole Quantum Realm time travel element of Endgame fucks things up and I’ve been trying to get my head around it.

Banner tells the Avengers that if you travel to the past, that past becomes your future. And the former present becomes the past which can’t now be changed by the new future. Or in other words, once something has happened, it can’t be changed but you can create a new version of it where things are different.

So.

Endgame is set in 2023 (five years after Infinity Wars which was 2018).

Nebula and Hawkeye travel back in time to 2014 (GoTG) to get the power stone. 2014 Thanos does not yet have all the power stones and there are now two Nebula’s in this space time; 2014 Nebula and 2023 Nebula.

In this new reality, 2014 Nebula kidnaps 2023 Nebula and replaces her to travel forward to 2023 with Hawkeye which is now a different version to the one in IW. Let’s call this different version of reality v2.0.

2014 Nebula uses the Avengers kit to open a wormhole to v2.0 so 2014 Thanos can arrive and get all the stones in 2023. However, when 2014 Thanos is dusted by Iron Man, the other version of reality has already happened because it’s in the past which as Banner said can’t be changed. So in other words, the events of Infinity War happened and can’t be stopped but the events of v2.0 can be changed as they now become the future. This means everyone has to be dusted in IW but in the v2.0 reality, can be brought back.

Or in simple terms, you can’t stop Thanos getting rid of the 50% because its happened but you can bring them back.

I think.

Now, if Cap returns the stones to the exact same place, the events of 2018 *do* happen in Infinity War so the whole 50% of existence being wiped out *does* occur anyway. Why bother returning the stones then? What’s the point of doing that if they’ve already brought everyone back and the past can’t be changed?

The whole time travel thing makes it complicated and the explanation in the movie about how the Quantum Realm is not Back To The Future so changing things in the past doesn’t affect future events makes it even more confusing. I reckon the whole time travel arc is a balls up, badly explained, shoved in to tie up all the loose ends and a bit of a cop out. Unless you’re an expert in the Marvel Multiverse bollocks then it makes as much sense as 1980’s Japanese VCR instruction manual.

 

Yes, it’s just a movie but when you’ve invested time and effort in the entire MCU back catalogue, it’s a bit of a kick in the balls when the final installament falls flat. Endgame is easily the the worst of the 4 Avengers flicks. If this is the direction they’re going, I’ll be glad to see the back of it.

Score: 2/5

(or a 3/5 when it’s available on home media so I don’t have watch it with an audience that’s been conditioned and spoonfed to whoop and holler)

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