Random Annoyances: Lettuce

Wednesday 20 September 2017 @ 9:35 pm

I’ve never had *any* food that was considerably improved by the addition of lettuce. Let’s be honest, it serves no useful purpose other than a snack for rabbits and tortoises and a minor distraction for fat people who think nibbling green leaves will make them thin.

Take the humble cheese salad sandwich. Lettuce, cheese, cucumber and tomato with a dressing if you buy it from Waitrose. Ditch the tasteless soggy lettuce and you’re left with … a tasty sandwich. Then there’s the egg salad sandwich. Remove any one of the fillers, apart from lettuce, and the sandwich is about as appealing as a kick in the balls.

That’s not to say it doesn’t have its place. Chop it up finely so it can’t be tasted and add it to a salad to bulk it up, which is pretty much what everyone else does.

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