Random Annoyances: Voice activated telephone response systems

Why is it that even the most simplest of tasks are often wrecked by meddling idiots who haven’t got a clue? Take voice activated telephone response systems. Not content with leading customers through a labyrinth of ridiculous prompts to press 1 for bills, 2 for payments, 3 for our shitfest Indian Call Centre, etc., companies have now resorted to inviting mugs customers to speak their responses into the phone instead of pressing keys.

Whichever muppet thought that was a great idea in the name of “convenience” needs their throat cut. Have they even considered that most people would be uncomfortable bellowing out their personal details and often use mobiles so the chances of the system recognising what you’re saying in a bad reception area are about as high as a badgers balls.

Using the keypad is infinitely easier and discrete. The fact is that humans are only ever comfortable when talking to other humans with the exception of K.I.T.T. or a reprogrammed Cyberdyne Systems T-800.

And whilst I’m on a rant, why do these feckin’ companies always put the least likely option first? Make a payment consistently tends to be option 1 no matter who you call. Why?

Who the hell is going to go through the trouble of ringing up customer services, being led around the automated system for 5 minutes and then proceed to hand over their card details to make the bare minimum payment when it can all be done online?

If you are ever forced to use any of these crappy voice activated response systems, the quickest way of getting through to someone is to just keep your mouth shut. After a few moments of not recognising what you said, the dumb ass system will give up and put you through to a human being.

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One Response to Random Annoyances: Voice activated telephone response systems

  1. Allan says:

    Call centres try to be kind, presuming from the get-go their customers have some kind of mental impairment so their staff won’t be troubled by incoherent babblers. If customers made sense there’d be no need for filters, would there now? But customers keep paying extortionate bloated bills so understand they’re considered impaired from the outset.
    Voice assumes customers haven’t the ability to press phone keys and probably acquired the number accidentally. Maybe they only want someone/thing to talk to.
    There’s many subtle ways of saying we’re dumb suckers who pay too much and don’t make sense. Call centres ace it.

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