Roll up, roll up, you bunch of useless fucking grasping scum asylum seekers desperate to reach El Dorado, or the UK as it’s known to Brits, and the laughing stock of the World to everyone else.
Everyone is welcome, just assemble like cockroaches at the Calais Departure lounge where the lazy bastard French police will wave you through the Eurotunnel. Don’t forget to bring all your immigrant mates, three wives, twenty kids, Grandma I-Wan-House and Grandpappy Gimme-Benefit plus all assorted hangers-on and extended family.
As soon as you reach El Dorado, Plod will be be happy to pick you up and drive you to the nearest comfy hotel where good food, clean bedding and new clothes awaits you, courtesy of the
mug grateful UK taxpayer.
All that remains then is for you to collect your benefit money to spend on cigs and take a few selfies with your fucking iPhone to post on your fucking Facebook. Don’t forget to smile and look smug and ensure that you tell everyone how wonderful the UK is and how you will never, ever, ever, EVER go back to whatever fucking rock you crawled under from.
The UK Government’s response? Sure, why not, the more the merrier. Hell, let’s welcome them with open arms and take out front page ads in the Asylum Seeker Times that free houses, benefits and health care are all available to all and sundry, no questions asked, no visa required and fuck any passport or border control.