After the mediocre Olympics opening ceremony, I had low expectations for the closing bash. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought with a good cast list wholly let down by a bunch of 100% 22 carat duffers.
First up we had shitty boy band One Direction atop a lorry busy lip-synching their way through what can only be described as the type of crap teeny bopper rubbish that prepubescent girls and their elder sisters go crazy over. Why on earth the UK had to embarrass itself by allowing this talentless bunch of tuneless miming muppets airtime in front of a global audience of billions is a complete mystery. It would have been a damn site more entertaining if One Direction had been simply herded into the stadium and promptly run over by the lorry so the world is never again subjected to their warbling drivel.
If that wasn’t enough, up popped Russell Brand like a particularly obnoxious pond scum to murder the Beatles number “I Am The Walrus” whilst dressed as Willy Wonka although as always with the insufferable, odious, repugnant and desperately unfunny Brand, Willy Wanker would have been far more appropriate. If ever there was a troll who needs beating up, dragged into the middle of the North Sea in a mackerel trawler and dumped over the side with a couple of lead weights, it’s this loathsome dickhead.
And then there was the bizarre spectacle of everything being covered in newspaper which looked as stupid as it sounds. I have no clue why anyone would regard this as a good idea but then again, if I did no doubt I’d be running the show and booking garbage acts like One Direction.
As for the rest, well the naked zombies, Morris dancing, skating nuns and an impromptu catwalk show featuring the very ordinary Kate Moss and temper tantrum diva Naomi Campbell didn’t in any way elevate the spectacle any higher than “meh!”.
Was there anything actually good about it? Well the Del Boy and Rodney tribute was great if fleeting and a lot of the classic acts were enjoyable, even the Spice Girls. Best of all, a magnificent fireworks display and the hand over to Brazil, who showcased a wonderful Rio inspired carnival, signalled the end of the Olympics nonsense and the next poor country to go bankrupt splashing out for the whole corrupt shindig.
Wallets out now though people, it’s time to pay for this sporting scam that further enriched the business sponsors, IOC and their assorted hangers on whilst burdening the taxpayer with billions.