Mediocre London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony was rubbish

Saturday 28 July 2012 @ 8:33 am

Seems like I’m one of the very few who found the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony to be utter crap and about as entertaining as watching the freezer defrost. Switch on the TV and all you’ll hear are gushing media channels fawning over how great and amazing and wonderful the opening ceremony was, a spectacular success and a real triumph. Cue live interviews with braindead sheeple who are too stupid to realise they’re being taken for mugs by the business sponsors behind the whole corrupt circus that exists purely to make money from gullible idiots.

It’s the same with the printed press. Previously sceptical papers that couldn’t criticise the games hard enough as a monumental waste of money are now lavishing the plaudits on director Danny Boyle for putting on the Best Show Ever. Now I’ve nothing against Danny Boyle, he comes across as a very nice chap on TV but his films suck. Trainspotting was crap, a film about druggies interspersed with contemporary pop-culture references to make it cool, Slumdog Millionaire an overrated piece of melodramatic slush that has the same feel good factor you get with a kick to the groin and the less said about 127 Hours, the better. I’ll give him 28 Days Later though, that was a good movie.

Back to the feeble opening ceremony, there were precisely four, and only four, redeeming pieces; the opening sequence with James Bond and the Queen although it would have been a lot more entertaining if it really was Liz and the parachute failed to open; Mr Bean’s comedy skit; the soundtrack that showcased the best of British music talent despite the presence of the Sugababes; and finally Becks roaring up the Thames in a speedboat with the Olympic flame.

The rest of it was mostly mediocre multicultural claptrap; a mish-mash of potted history through the industrial revolution taking in Brunel that will have been lost on anyone who’s attended Britain’s finest dumbed-down educational establishments during the last 15 years; a homage to our very own NHS that not so much came across as a blatant piece of lefty propaganda as it did advertise to the world that the UK health service is free to all and everyone’s welcome; some rubbish new-age style arty dance crap that was accompanied by a singer nobody’s ever heard of warbling a funeral dirge; gangs of irritating teenage hoodies advertising the latest mobile phones and using social media to tell a pointless love story; and lets not forget the hordes of children that seemed to be peddled at every possible opportunity to perhaps invite sympathy or more accurately, ensure that the whole Olympics charade plays the cynical “games legacy for our kids” card full tilt.

The Sir Tim Berners-Lee tribute was a nice touch but even he must have felt a bit of berk sitting out there tapping on a keyboard in front of a global audience of billions. As for the flying Mary Poppins, cavorting imbeciles around the Maypole, embarrassingly twee costumes, Lord Voldemort wannabe, that stupid baby face sculpture thing made of what looked like string and the live farm, it was not so much a spectacle as it was a fine display of half-assed British eccentricity and drivel. Or to put it another way, there were more sheep in the audience than there were in that damn farm.

To cap things all off, that old geriatric duffer McCartney was wheeled out to sing off key and murder what little atmosphere remained in the stadium from a pliant crowd that would have been satisfied with a third rate Punch and Judy show. Why they have to get this old fool out at every opportunity singing the same tired old rubbish is a mystery although I suppose we should be grateful they didn’t go with the infinitely worse Rolling Stones.

Most atrocious of all though, was surely the daft decision to announce everything in French before English. WTF? Did Napoleon conquer Britain? Has this green and pleasant land been overrun by a bunch of self serving cheese-eating surrender-monkey toads? It was an absolute disgrace and further proof if any is needed that the IOC is nothing more than a jumped up bureaucratic jolly for its members to swan around the world staying in the best hotels, dining on the finest food at the expense of the mug host country that’s been stupid enough to bid for the games and bow to their every whim.

So in short then, hats off to Danny Boyle for organising what was largely a damp squid, the guy will definitely be knighted in the honours list and deserves to be for agreeing to stage this ridiculous waste-of-time extravaganza.

And to anyone who thinks I’m a miserable old goat and that London 2012 staged the “Best Opening Ceremony Ever”, well all I can say is firstly, you’re easily pleased and would probably be entertained by the opening of a supermarket; and secondly, next time that hospital or school in your neighbourhood closes, or pensions are cut yet again, or our troops are sent abroad ill-equipped to fight a phoney foreign war or your local sleazy expense-fiddling MP bleats about there not being any money left in the kitty to pay for vital infrastructure projects, just remember how much this whole rotten Olympics jamboree cost the taxpayer.

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