KPMG axes hundreds of spiv management consultants

Friday 9 March 2012 @ 11:58 pm

KPMG announced today that it is axing hundreds of “management consultants”. Amen to that. We’ve had the misfortune to use these clowns and they are, like 99.9% all other management consultants (unless it’s McKinsey in which case it’s 100%), a bunch of incompetent, clueless, overpaid, and egotistical spivs. Absolutely no idea about anything, zero business sense, little time for trying to understand how an organisation works and all too eager to dump a cut and paste “report” that regurgitates whatever the shithead executive who hired them wants to hear.

Management Consultants like to think they add value to a business whereas the reality is the exact opposite. I’ve been involved in reviewing reports from the likes of KPMG and McKinsey and they are full of crap. The useful bits of analysis are nearly always copied from internal data that any competent PM could produce whilst the rest is the kind of nonsensical buzz word littered junk that would be embarrassing if it was on Wikipedia let alone on the desk of the executive board.

I remember reading one such report written by some dick at McKinsey that referred to “low hanging fruit” as the best method for monetising clients. No shit Sherlock, low hanging fruit you say? Better take your telephone number consultancy fees and fuck off back to your ivory tower whilst the rest of us ignorant brainless peasants gush over your amazingly insightful analysis.

Truth is that executive boards are as much to blame. Apart from the fact that most (including the lousy Government) enjoy wasting copious amounts of cash to make them feel important, they shouldn’t need to hire management consultancy spivs at all. If the well paid executive can’t do the executive job that their executive title and executive salary merits then they shouldn’t be there in the first place.