Mister Ed unveils shadow cabinet of claptrap

New Labour Leader Ed Miliband has revealed his shadow cabinet predictably stuffed with lightweights and career politicians who’ve never had a proper job.

Biggest travesty is Alan Johnson as Shadow Chancellor. This most demanding of briefs has been handed to a lazy, former postman with no discernable record of having done anything useful in Government. A man who cheerfully admits he has no knowledge of the Treasury and that his first act as Shadow Chancellor would be to buy a beginner’s guide to economics (on taxpayer funded expenses of course).

Meanwhile expenses fiddling couple Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper have been given the positions of respectively, Shadow Home Secretary and Shadow Foreign Secretary. Both Balls and Cooper coveted the Shadow Chancellor role, the second most powerful in Government so perhaps it’s a blessing that neither of these two corrupt individuals managed to blag it.

Balls is unlikely to come up with any coherent or sensible policies given he has years of experience screwing up the Treasury whilst the amount Cooper knows about the Foreign Secretary role anything useful wouldn’t be enough to fill the back of a second class stamp.

The other has-beens shoved back into the Shadow Cabinet of the claptrap include bald headed tyrant Liam Byrne who left a gloating note saying "There’s no money left", useless former London minister Tessa Jowell, preening peacock Caroline Flint and corrupt former transport minister Sadiq Khan who spent £2500 of taxpayer money on greeting cards and was found guilty of expense fiddling by the Commons authorities.

And of course, lording it up over all of them like some vast bloated puffed up vulture is revolting PC zealot Harriet Harman who remains, laughably, as "Deputy" Leader of the Opposition, a tag that is two rungs below Milk Monitor on the list of useless and wholly unnecessary job titles.

The rest of them are largely nobody’s who would have long since been sent to the glue factory had they not entered the lucrative world of politics where brains, honesty, experience and humility are not prerequisites.

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