Someone get the bolt cutters …

All indications were that the election would result in a hung Parliament and that’s exactly what has happened. More disturbing, thousands of voters were turned away from polling stations across the UK after queuing for hours in scenes worthy of a banana republic. The UK, supposedly the cradle of "democracy", is the laughing stock of the world as we can’t even organise a fair and honest election.

Meanwhile Gordon Brown scuttled back to Downing Street and chained himself to the radiators as the scheming and plotting began to try and form a coalition government. The odious Bottler declared "it’s my duty to lead Britain" despite having polled just under 30% of the popular vote, far less than the Tories on nearly 40%.

No Mr Brown, it’s your duty is to vacate 10 Downing Street immediately and f**k off into oblivion where you belong. And take the rest of your ragtag bunch of incompetent lying LieBour spivs with you. Get out now. For God’s sake just bugger off and get lost, you have no clear mandate to govern.

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