Home Secretary happy to sleep with 70 million

Out of touch Home Secretary and PM wannabe favourite Alan Johnson has declared he has no intention of capping immigration because of the contribution it makes to the economy. "I do not lie awake at night worrying about a population of 70 million," said former postman Johnson who doesn’t need to worry about a posse of refugees moving in next door on account of having a grace and favour home in posh Belgravia where you’re as likely to find housed asylum seekers as you are a Windsor doing an honest days work.

ZaNu LieBour’s open door immigration policy has always been to encourage as many rag-tag illegal immigrants to the UK as possible to shower them with benefits. Motley fool Johnson isn’t about to reverse a proud 12 year tradition of opening the doors to the world’s population of bogus asylum seekers and cares not one bit about the burden this places on local facilities such as schools, hospital and transport.

Traditionally, the Home Office has always been one of the more difficult briefs to master which is why it’s all the more baffling that we’ve been subjected to a series of increasingly stupid and inept LieBour spivs who couldn’t run a car boot sale let alone manage this most demanding of posts.

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