Vote Brexit and get Remainer

Thursday 14 July 2016 @ 7:55 pm

So we won it. Well done all those who voted for a bold, brave new, economically prosperous future without the shitty EU trying to scupper everything, and the increasingly ludicrous Remainer Stories of Doom.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for the victorious Brexit campaign to be stitched up by a dubious leadership contest whereby Tory MP’s, the majority of whom are Remainers, voted in a fellow Remainer in the guise of Theresa May, the useless former Home Secretary who has been instrumental in keeping the UK borders open over the last 6 years by refusing to kick out dodgy asylum seekers and bogus immigrants. In short, asking Ma May to be in charge of Brexit is like asking Cameron to be in charge of negotiating an EU deal that favours the UK.

May is another turncoat Tory who frequently cited anti-EU sentiments only to bottle it when it came to the crunch and side with the Remain camp. She will no doubt take her merry time invoking Article 50 whilst pandering to the EU bastards and letting odious cretins like Nicola Sturgeon stall the process.

Had the leadership contest gone to the grassroot members, it might very well have been a Brexiteer in charge but Tory in-fighting and backstabbing ensured May was shoe-horned into the top job. The result? After a stunningly democratic referendum, we’re now left with an unelected PM with no public mandate who would much rather we never left the EU and continue throwing cash into the corrupt Brussels coffers.


Thank Evans he’s gone

Monday 4 July 2016 @ 8:08 pm

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Chris Evans has packed in the Top Gear job after just one series. Don’t feel sorry for him, his ego couldn’t take the pressure or criticism and a show like Top Gear very quickly shows Evans many shortcomings as a presenter. Being shouty and trying to be zany whilst emulating Jezza just doesn’t cut the mustard and the lack of originality in the new series was shocking.

Just need to ditch Eddie Jordan and Rory Reid now, give Matt Le Blanc a more prominent presenting role and tweak the Top Gear format so it actually resembles a decent show rather than a pale imitation.


Top Gear plumbs new depths

Monday 20 June 2016 @ 2:14 pm

Eddie Jordan playing the spoons, really? I mean REALLY? Could it BE more embarrassing?

Meanwhile, Chris Evans is marginally less annoying and Rory Reid still has nothing worthwhile to say when reviewing cars. Oh, and asking the guests to introduce each other by reading from the autocue is just plain daft.


Chris Evans not the worst presenter on Top Gear

Tuesday 14 June 2016 @ 10:56 am

Three episodes in and Top Gear has improved a little by Chris Evans taking more of a back seat although ratings have halved and barely scrape 2 mil (old Top Gear regularly managed more than 5 mil). The less he’s on-screen, the better. However, Evans is no longer the worst presenter on Top Gear, that dubious honour has been firmly taken by Rory Reid.

Rory had his first slot yesterday on the main Top Gear, having already presented the spinoff series (which I never bothered watching) and he’s terrible. He’s trying hard to be funny (he’s not), informative (he’s not) and down wit’ da kidz (he’s not).

The worst of it is the ridiculous Cockney cheeky chappie persona, all “geezer, innit” and lame ass jokes. If Evans is trying hard to be Clarkson v2, Reid is undoubtedly trying hard to be Hammond v2. The sooner Rory Reid completely disappears off Top Gear, nay TV completely, the better.

Meanwhile, it’s still Matt Le Blanc who’s holding it all together and the most comfortable. Give this guy a contract extension and pair him up with a better set of presenters if you want Top Gear to survive.


Useless Cameron wheels out even more useless Bottler Brown

Monday 13 June 2016 @ 10:55 pm

In a sign of panic amongst the deluded Project Fear camp, lying scamster Cameron has resorted to wheeling out former PM, and certified coward, Gordon “The Bottler” Brown to convince the waverers to remain in the despised, corrupt, rotten EU.

Brown as you will remember slunk into Portugal to sign the Lisbon Treat after all the other leaders fuckers had left. He didn’t have the balls to do it in front of them knowing the treaty was a bag complete of shite.

It’s laughable then that anyone would bother listening to Bottler Brown. This is the useless half-wit who flogged the UK’s gold reserves cheaply whilst the market was at its lowest point and then watched as prices quadrupled over the next decade. The thieving bastard who wrecked the worlds finest pension scheme by scrapping tax relief on pension dividends pushing millions into retirement poverty so he could waste it on pet projects. The financially illiterate imbecile who bankrupt Britain by spending what he didn’t have and throwing money to Labour voters as bribes. The lying shyster who promised a referendum on EU membership but then bottled it. The insolent jerk who called a lifelong Labour supporter a bigot when she asked a question about immigration. And the spineless goon who barged his way unelected into the PM hot seat after Tony BLiar resigned.

Never have we had such an incompetent, inexperienced, unqualified, useless, floundering, dull-witted, inadequate, unsuitable, inept, thoroughly despised PM as Brown, although Cameron and BLiar are both strong contenders. Frankly, anyone who listens to Brown needs their head examined, the man has absolutely nothing worthwhile to say about anything.

This is not the first time previous PM’s have campaigned for Project Fear, unsurprising when you consider that every single PM over the last 25 years has been a Europhile. John Major, the traitorous adulterous feeble wimp who signed the Masstricht Treaty, has been peddling his pro Euro shit on the media for weeks now whilst BLiar, who is so universally hated throughout the UK that he dare not show his arrogant mug in public, has popped up to lecture everyone about how wonderful the fucking EU is.

On the other hand though, wheeling out all these former wasters, including clunking duffer Brown, might further persuade people to vote leave so perhaps it’s not such a bad thing after all.


Chris Evans ruins Top Gear

Sunday 29 May 2016 @ 11:16 pm

So New Top Gear with irritating idiot Chris Evans was every bit as bad as I thought it would be. All of the studio segments were embarrassingly bad with Evans whooping and shouting like a juvenile making it a total crap fest. He gave us a few cringe worthy gems like “c’mon everybody” when doing the rally cross car piece and offered a lame joke about catering that couldn’t have been more well signposted if it’d been entered into a satnav. I feel sorry for the audience who were no doubt bullied into clapping and cheering at totally the wrong moments to satisfy Evans gigantic ego.

What’s strange is that the format has barely changed with Evans even trying to ape Clarkson at every turn which is just daft. Everyone knows Chris is no wit so even trying is pointless. There were a few redeeming moments, mainly whenever Chris wasn’t on screen but on the whole, this was a rubbish Top Gear salvaged only by Matt Le Blanc who is everything that Chris Evans isn’t; cool, calm, comfortable, collected, charming, likeable and funny with a dry wit.

Here’s a quick run down of the main segments.

Opener
Off to a bad start with Chris bouncing around and yelling at the camera trying to hype up the new show. A crap joke about catering falls flatter than a pancake on a plank and has obviously been shoehorned in for no other reason than to make a sly dig at Clarkson. The audience looks ashamed at having been forced to laugh at this drivel.

Dodge Viper vs. Corvette
Filmed in a Top Gun airbase, I actually liked this piece although it would have been a lot better without Evans. Sabine is funny and entertaining but her appearance is all too brief. Back in the studio, Evans desperately tries to copy Clarkson when introducing the Stig for the lap and the audience once more looks as though their laughing faces have been painted on.

Blackpool Road Trip (part 1)
Matt and Chris drive a couple of Reliant Rialto’s to Blackpool. This is the first time we get to see Matt in his new role as Top Gear presenter and it’s soon clear that he’s far more suited to be the main presenter. Unfortunately, Matt’s car breaks down so we don’t actually get to see him driving much and Evans is as irritating as ever.

Rally Cross Car
The guest slot has stars driving a new rally cross Mini car on a revised course which is dramatically revealed by Evans as some sort of genius plan. The two guests are introduced and smug Evans wastes no time in showing how crap he is as an interviewer. The chit chat is forced, contrived and whereas Clarkson gently teases out some interesting trivia from the guests, Evans goes down the route of interviewing as if he’s reading the dummy cards using a Ladybird Big Book Of Interviewing Tips. I’ve attended funerals that were more comfortable and interesting than this. Evans commentary on the actual laps is so bad that I actually turn the volume down. The audience are encouraged to clap during the lap when the Mini manages a pathetic little jump or barely slides around corner. This by far is the worst segment of the whole show.

Nomad Off-Roader
Matt’s first solo piece and it’s good. His dry sense of humour and relaxed delivery is totally the opposite of Evans and suits Top Gear far more. More importantly, he connects with the audience on several occasions when looking at the car mounted camera and it all looks so much more professional. Matt with the right co-presenter would make a great Top Gear.


Blackpool Road Trip (part 2)

Matt and Chris do a series of challenges with their Rialto’s and once again, Matt comes across as the more comfortable presenter whilst Evans gives the audience another 10 reasons to switch off. Overall, a good piece which again would have been a lot better without Chris. Roll the credits and good riddance to Evan’s bluster.

 

Overall then, the answer to the question “How to make Top Gear great again?” is clear: ditch Chris Evans as soon as possible and make it Top Gear presented by Joey and Chandler.


Mini Movie Review: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Tuesday 17 May 2016 @ 9:29 pm

Following on from the rather dull Man of Steel, public opinion is divided as to whether Superman is a good guy or a threat to all. Batman however has no such qualms and is determined to get rid of Supe once and for all after the Man of Steel demolished Metropolis whilst battling General Zod. Meanwhile, Lex Luther has found some kryptonite as well as a Kryptonite ship and wastes no time in setting the two up for an epic fight and unleashing a seemingly invincible monster engineered from General Zod’s DNA. Wonder Woman pops up to both beguile and befriend the two superheroes whilst the other nobody’s who form the Justice League also fleetingly appear, The Flash as a tramp for some inexplicable reason, as a prelude to the next movie.

Batman v Superman has been unfairly panned I reckon. Sure, it’s not a great movie but it’s a good movie. Ben Affleck is suitably grizzled as a much tougher and more brutal Batman and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman is excellent. Some of the supporting characters are good too, Perry White in particular. However, there are two big elephants in the casting room; Jesse Eisenberg as a terrible spoiled rich kid Luthor who is all edgy nervous tics and trying too hard to be cool. He’s no evil genius, that’s for sure. Then there’s Amy Adams who is horribly miscast as Lois Lane and pretty much responsible for fucking everything up at the end. Teri Hatcher’s Lois Lane is smart, sexy and sassy whereas Any Adams is about as sharp as a wooden spoon.

The whole movie is a gloomy, ponderous affair, full of moody lighting and devoid of humour. The Marvel movies have the right mix but Batman v Superman takes itself too seriously and you just long for the odd wisecrack. The plot is muddled too with dream sequences and scrappy bits left unexplained. Oh, and the end battle is a bit naff, I couldn’t tell what the hell was going on and the monster looks exactly like a Cave Troll from LOTR.

Despite all that though, it’s still a good movie, very watchable in its own right but I can’t say I’m looking forward to the useless Justice League. With the exception of Batman and Superman, and Wonder Woman purely because of Gal Gadot’s portrayal, there isn’t a single interesting or redeeming character to rival even third rate Marvel superheroes.

Score: 3/5


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